Government introduces "Parliamentary Representation Practitioners"

In a radical shift away from existing anachronistic governance-enablement pathways, the Commons today announced the introduction of a new grade of political representation professional - the Parliamentary Representation Practitioner.

This exciting new role breaks with the centuries-old selection processes that have until now been used to appoint Members of Parliament. In essence, the new Parliamentary Representation Practitioner role sits below that of the existing MP model, and allows PRPs to work in more flexible ways to serve their constituencies. No more will representatives be selected by old-fashioned "democratic" methodologies such as election by 'public vote'.

Parliamentary Representation Practitioners will be appointed via a new virtual 'Computerised Representative Appointment Portal', found online at www.crap.govt.uk. Applications will be scored according to criteria set by the Ministry for Psychological Investigation, Testing and Warfare, and will carefully select the best candidates for employment in the Commons.

By freeing up parliamentary schedules, PRPs will enable a more inclusive and dynamic Commons system, whilst having important secondary gains such as a reduction in costly governmental roles such as MP, Minister and Secretary of State.
Initally, the Parliamentary Representation Practitioner role will be rolled out across the Conservative and Liberal Democrat parties, with replacement of Labour MPs to follow in 2011, should the system prove to function well, and dependent on focus group validation.

Due to the constraints of European law, members from all EEA countries will be eligible to apply for the Parliamentary Representation Practitioner programme.

Some opposition MPs have expressed concern regarding the "insidious de-democratisation of Parliament, with elected officials being systematically replaced by appointed pseudo-politicians". Minister for Democracy Modernisation and Representational Innovation, Patricia Fooquit, dismissed allegations of a slide towards dictatorship, stating that "This has been the best year ever for our parliamentary democracy, with more commons representation professionals than ever working together to serve the public. We must move forward, ever forwards, in our neverending thirst for reform and innovation in governance and representational enablement."